The Illusion That Keeps Us Stuck
Night Is Normal Part 4: The Illusion That Keeps Us Stuck
Breaking Free When Expectations Collide With Reality
Sometimes the most powerful prisons are the ones we build ourselves.
When disappointment, loss, or pain enters our lives, we often create explanations to help us survive difficult seasons. But what happens when those explanations aren't true?
In this episode series inspired by Alicia Britt Chole's book and workbook," The Night Is Normal”, Diana shares a personal story of grief, healing, and discovering the freedom found in God's truth.
If you've ever struggled with guilt, fear, disappointment, or questions about God, this episode will encourage you to build your life on the one foundation that never changes: God's truth.
Because His truth remains standing when everything else crumbles.
Diana’s Notes
The Illusion That Keeps Us Stuck - Breaking Free When Expectations Collide With Reality
Hello everybody!!! And welcome back to Heartfelt Conversations with Diana. I am so glad you joined me today.
For any first-time listeners, we are walking through a series inspired by Dr. Alicia Britt Chole's book, The Night Is Normal.
So far, we've talked about: "What If Nothing Is Wrong With You?"
"Is God Punishing Me or Preparing Me?" And most recently:
"God Has Not Changed."
Last week, we talked about trusting God's character when life doesn't make sense. We learned that circumstances change, but God doesn't.
Today I want to continue that conversation by asking another question.
Have you ever believed something that felt absolutely true... only to discover later that it wasn't true at all?
Maybe a disappointment convinced you of something.
Maybe a painful experience shaped the way you see yourself, others, and maybe even God.
Maybe someone hurt you, rejected you, or abandoned you, and without realizing it, you began believing things that were never true to begin with.
Or perhaps life unfolded differently than you expected, and you started questioning God.
What happens when pain begins telling us a story that isn't true?
Because if we're honest, that's often where disillusionment begins.
Dr. Alicia Britt Chole shares a powerful perspective on disillusionment. She explains that disillusionment is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, disillusionment occurs when our illusions about God, ourselves, and others begin to fall away.
And while that process can be painful, it can also be one of the greatest gifts God gives us because it moves us closer to truth.
I completely agree. And I agree because I have experienced being stuck in an illusion, and I have experienced my expectations colliding with reality.
Healing isn't always comfortable. Letting go of false beliefs isn't easy.
Facing reality can be painful. But truth, God’s truth specifically, is always worth finding.
Jesus Himself teaches in John that The Truth is freedom
John 8:32: (NIV) “And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”
What is The Truth? Not what, but Who! He is. Jesus.
Jesus was comforting His disciples at the Last Supper, preparing them for what was to come. Thomas, one of the disciples, says, “Lord, we do not know where you are going, so how can we get there?” How can we know the way?” Jesus answered with -
John 14:6: (NLT) “Jesus told him, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life. ' " No one can come to the Father except through me. “
What was He telling them?
The Way: Jesus is the exclusive, definitive path to God and eternal salvation.
The Truth: Jesus is the absolute physical representation of God's truth, fulfilling all of God's promises and providing ultimate reality.
The Life: Jesus is the source of both physical life and eternal spiritual life.
Last week, I shared that disillusionment occurs when a deeply held expectation collides with reality.
The expectation itself may not even be wrong.
The problem is that when reality doesn't unfold the way we expected, we often begin creating explanations.
A story. A conclusion. An illusion. An interpretation. Our interpretation.
Not because we're weak. Not because we're bad. Because we're hurting.
And that's exactly what happened to me.
Years ago, when my daughter died in a tragic accident, I couldn't make sense of what had happened.
My heart couldn't process it. My mind couldn't understand it.
I had trusted God. I believed He would protect her.
And suddenly, my reality no longer matched what I thought should have happened.
I couldn't make sense of it.
And because I couldn't make sense of it, I began creating conclusions.
I believed I deserved punishment. I believed I should suffer.
I believed I should never allow myself to be happy again.
And eventually, what I believed became my reality.
That itself is a powerful truth. That is what we believe to be true becomes our truth.
Not necessarily God's truth. Not necessarily the actual truth.
But the truth is that we begin building our lives upon.
At first, I wouldn't even acknowledge her death.
My brain simply blocked it out.
I shut my mind off to the reality of what had happened.
Without realizing it, I was opening the door to a prison I would eventually walk into.
Then it moved from avoidance to self-punishment.
I made an internal vow that because she could not live, I would not truly live either. I wouldn't allow myself peace. I wouldn't allow myself joy. I wouldn't allow myself happiness.
And then the prison door slammed shut for decades.
I thought I was honoring my grief. But what I was really doing was building my life around a belief that wasn't true. And what we believe shapes how we live.
The first part of Proverbs 23:7 tells us:(AMP) For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.
Our inner thoughts and deeply held beliefs directly shape our character, reality, and the course of our lives.
What we believe about ourselves shapes how we live.
What we believe about God shapes how we approach Him.
What we believe about our circumstances shapes how we respond to them.
Here are a couple of other scriptures that help shape our minds and thoughts into God’s truth -
Proverbs 4:23:"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
Your life and truth are built from the core of what you guard and dwell on
Romans 12:2:"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Joyce Meyer says, “Your life changes when you actively alter the way you think.”
What we believe matters. Because beliefs eventually become behaviors.
As I look back now, I realize there are three building blocks that could have saved me years of heartache.
BUILDING BLOCK #1 Pain Is Real, But Pain Is Not Always Truthful
Pain is real. Loss is real. Disappointment is real. Heartbreak is real.
But pain is not always telling the truth. Pain can convince us that God abandoned us.
Pain can convince us that we are beyond hope. Pain can convince us that nothing will ever change. Pain can convince us that we are alone.
Pain is real. But pain is not always truthful.
Remember what we just read when Jesus said in John 8:32:
"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."
Notice, he didn't say feelings would set us free. He didn't say assumptions would set us free.
He said the Truth would set us free. Jesus IS The Truth
BUILDING BLOCK #2 What We Believe Shapes How We Live
The illusion I believed became the prison I lived in.
And sadly, I wasn't the only one affected by it.
My unhealthy thinking impacted my family. My relationships. My ability to receive comfort. My ability to trust God.
The truth is, what we believe eventually determines how we live.
That's why we must be careful what we allow to become truth in our minds.
BUILDING BLOCK #3 THE Truth Is What Sets Us Free
Listen to the beautiful promise we can have in Romans Chapter 12
Romans 12:2: (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Did you hear the promise? If we will not follow the way everyone else is going and do what everyone else is doing and allow God to transform us into a new person by our thoughts, our minds, when we follow The Truth - Jesus - we will learn to know God’s will for our lives - and His will for us is Good & Pleasing & Perfect.
That’s a pretty good promise - to have the good and pleasing and perfect will of God over our lives.
Freedom begins when God's truth becomes more trustworthy than our emotions.
Not because emotions don't matter. They do. But emotions make terrible foundations.
The Truth - Jesus. He is our strong foundation. He is the Rock on which we should build.
Let me give you a simple illustration.
If I continually feed my body junk food, eventually that's what my body craves.
The same is true mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
If I continually feed on fear, guilt, assumptions, distorted thinking, and lies, eventually those things begin to feel normal.
But when I feed on God's Word, truth becomes more familiar than fear or wrong thinking. Empty Carb thinking if you will - lol.
The illusion I created to survive a reality I couldn't face eventually created another illusion. I began believing I couldn't trust God.
My faith collided with reality.
And because I wasn't rooted in God's Word, I went down a very dark path that led to years of unhealthy thinking and a distorted understanding of who God truly is.
Then something changed. Not my circumstances. Not my past.
Me.
I finally took one small step of faith. And I remember praying something very simple.
I said, "God, I need You to be who You say You are."
I grew up in church; it wasn’t that I didn’t know anything about the bible. But I didn’t study it for myself. I studied it for a bible lesson to teach or to find a piece of scripture to hold over someone else, but I didn’t eat the word of God as nutrition for my spirit, for my soul.
Did you know that even Satan can quote scripture in the bible?
When Jesus was in the wilderness, Satan came to try to trip Him up, to get Jesus to sin. Of course, Jesus never did, but Satan took scripture and used it to try to manipulate Jesus while He was weak. Here is what happened in Matthew 4
Matthew 4:6 (NIV) “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “’ He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
Like how he twisted the truth, “if you are” Jesus knew who He was. We have to know who we are in Christ so that our minds are strong in Christ.
We don’t need “churchy” answers. Just honesty.
But like me, you will have to draw close to God and get into His Word for yourself. How else will you know - for sure?
Maybe you need to tell God exactly where you are.
Maybe you need to tell Him exactly what you're struggling to believe.
Maybe you need to say: "God, I need You to be who You say You are."
When I finally stopped hiding from reality and trusted God to walk me through my grief, guilt, shame, and sorrow, I discovered something beautiful.
God wasn't who I thought He was. He was so much more than I could ever have imagined. He is such a good Father.
He never condemned me. He never punished me. Although we may have to live in the mess we created from our own wrong decisions. But God is not far away waiting on you to figure everything out on your own. He longs to help you. To comfort you, To assure you.
He patiently waited to comfort me.
Eventually, I came to experience a peace I never thought possible.
The loss of my daughter will always live in my heart. But so will the hope of knowing she is safe in the arms of Jesus.
She is home. And one day, I know that I know that I know, I will see her again.
As Dr. Alicia says, disillusionment can be painful.
Healing can be painful.
But knowing “The Truth” is worth the journey.
Maybe today you're carrying a belief that feels true simply because you've carried it for so long.
Maybe someone hurt you. Maybe disappointment convinced you God failed you.
Maybe guilt has become part of your identity.
Maybe fear has become your normal.
But if that belief doesn't agree with God's Word, it isn't the truth.
What we believe to be true becomes our truth.
That's why we must build our lives on God's truth.
Because His truth remains standing when everything else crumbles.
Psalm 119:105 says: "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."
I love the way The Message translation says it:
"By Your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path."
God's Word becomes our lamp. Our guide. Our anchor. Our foundation.
Especially when life feels dark.
Let's pray.
Father, thank You for loving us enough to lead us into truth. Thank you for being patient with us when we struggle, question, doubt, and hurt. Lord, reveal every illusion we have built our lives upon. Expose every lie we have believed about You, about ourselves, and about others. Help us replace fear with faith. Help us replace assumptions with truth. Help us replace self-reliance with trust. Renew our minds through Your Word. Teach us to build our lives on the solid foundation of Your truth.
And for every listener who feels trapped by guilt, shame, disappointment, fear, or pain, remind them today that freedom is found in You. Thank You that Your truth sets us free.
In Jesus' Mighty Name, Amen.
Next week, we're going to continue this journey by exploring what happens when God begins stripping away the titles, labels, and identities we've built our lives around and discovering who we really are when those things are gone.
Until next time...
Keep holding on.
Keep listening to your Shepherd's voice.
And remember...
What we believe to be true becomes our truth.
So build your life on God's truth because His truth remains standing when everything else crumbles.
If you do not already have a local church home - and you are not in the area, please join us online for Sunday service at Valley Family Church! You can find that link with the notes for today on our website.
If you are nearby, please join us for the 9 AM or the 11:15 services and let them know Diana invited you:)
You can find that link, today’s notes, and Pastor Eric’s message How to Follow Jesus: Renewing Your Mind ( isn’t that timely!!)
- You can find it all on our website - heartfeltconversations.com
Like us & follow us on Facebook! Help us to get the Gospel of the Good News out there!
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13 (NLT)
I’ll see ya next time on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
Pastor Eric’s message:
How to Follow Jesus: Renewing Your Mind | Pastor Eric Jones
Valley Family Church YouTube Channel for Sunday Service:
https://www.youtube.com/@ValleyFamilyChurch/streams
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana Facebook link:
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61583338513059
Diana’s Playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkeS6qzdekMr55A_b1cG_Yv2fy_BvQ27D
Thirst Quenchers
Songs to Inspire You
Kind To Myself | Official Music Video | Tenth Avenue North
Running With You In The Dark | Official Music Video | Tenth Avenue North
Cody Carnes, Benjamin William Hastings – Take You At Your Word (Official Live Video)
Foundational Encouraging Verses:
Isaiah 42:16: God’s Word Translation
I will lead the blind on unfamiliar roads. I will lead them on unfamiliar paths. I will turn darkness into light in front of them. I will make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do for them, and I will never abandon them.
Isaiah 54:10: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
Psalm 119:105: Your word is a light unto our path and a light unto our feet.
Isaiah 54:17: But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Isaiah 52:12: (EASY) But you will not have to hurry and run away. No, the Lord, Israel's God, will keep you safe. He will lead you at the front, and He will be your guard at the back.
Isaiah 46:10: “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times,what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’”
Matthew 7:11: So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
1 Peter 2:23 tells us - When He was insulted, He did not answer back with an insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but placed His hopes in God, the righteous Judge.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that… they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
The New Living Translation reads it this way: Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life."
Luke 6:37“Forgive, and you will be forgiven”.
Matthew 6:14: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Romans 8:31 in the AMP Bible tells us: What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us?
Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
Psalm 32:8: The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Proverbs 15:3: The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Additional Resources:
Steven Furtick: Triggered Taking Back Your Mind in the Age of Anxiety
Beth Jones: Getting a Grip on the Basics is a great resource to help you get the basics of how vital you are to God and how good He desires to be to you
https://www.thebasicsuniversity.com
Joyce Meyer: The Mind is a Battlefield - https://joycemeyer.org
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born-again child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand-new Christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, and we will forward your information to you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you.