From Jaded to Beloved: Finding Your True Identity in God's Heart
Have you ever felt like life broke you long before you had a chance to really live it? In this deeply vulnerable episode of Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, Diana shares her journey through the unimaginable loss of her daughter, decades of feeling rejected by God, and the jaded lens that shaped her identity. Together, you’ll explore how Scripture, truth, and the gentle leading of the Holy Spirit can heal a wounded soul, restore trust, and reveal who you really are in Christ—beloved, redeemed, and destined for more than just surviving.
If you’re exhausted from trying to “fix” yourself and ready for a heart-level revolution, this conversation is for you.
Diana’s Notes
Steadfast Patience & Endurance
Hello everybody!!! And welcome to today’s episode:
From Jaded to Beloved: Finding Your True Identity in God’s Heart
As we talk about our identity in the Greatness of God and His heart toward us, here on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
We’ve been doing a series on developing endurance to strengthen our ability to persevere and rise above the noise of the world by exchanging our perspective, our view of life, of circumstances, and the situations that are normal occurrences in our day-to-day lives over the course of a lifetime. We exchange our view for A View From The Top: Learning To See From A Different Perspective; in other words, we are learning to exchange our view for God’s viewpoint and then apply that new knowledge to our lives in a personal way for a personal gain - a bond - a relationship that only you and God can have.
In one of our conversations together, I shared that I got lost on my journey of life because I didn’t let God guide my steps. I stepped out on my own. I began doing things my way, according to the justice I felt was fair, because I convinced myself that I couldn’t trust God, my parents, I really couldn’t trust myself, my own decisions, because they were all rooted in emotions and feelings of a wounded soul. I tried to vindicate myself, and self- vindication can turn into a venomous poison - Poison that resentment, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness bring. A strong root that strangles life right out of you. God was not ordering my steps; I was. And it left me on a 40-year journey of frustration, unhappiness, and utter misery.
Remember this: When you learn to wait well, you live well.
As we’ve been saying: “That’s not always easy, but it is in that attitude where we find peace in the pause and joy in the journey.
In the “beginning” of my life as a newborn, I would have to imagine that I entered into this world like every other newborn - leaving the safety and security of a warm, soothing womb into a cold and very strange new space - the world.
In the womb, we are snuggled into a cocoon of protection. With the smallest of kicks, we find our tiny little developing feet pushing against the wall of the womb, and there we settle in, feeling safe from harm, knowing the boundaries of our cozy corner.
How precious is the innocence of a young child, a newborn or unborn baby who trusts blindly in the love of their parents, whom they have not even seen yet.
I have learned over the years, like many others, maybe you, that I lost my innocence as a child way too early. In turn, I lost trust in my parents, in myself, in others, and in God.
Those comforting boundaries of protection and safety seemed to no longer exist.
Many years later, I can tell you the pain of my own failures as a mom, as a parent, as a person was difficult to bear, difficult to recover from; but the wound that was nearly fatal to my soul was the death of my daughter.
Psalm 118:17 is a verse that is strong within me, pulling me, tugging at my heart to share the most vulnerable heartbreaks and struggles I have walked through because I believe, I know, that if one person who hears my story and can find healing and restoration that can ONLY be found in the One True Living God - Yahweh, I AM, then everything that I have been through and had to learn on this journey of knowing God will be worth the weight of it all.
Psalm 118:17: (AMP) I will not die, but live, And declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the LORD.
I believe that God Shepherd me along the steep, rocky cliff I found myself on and lovingly and graciously led me back into His fold, His pasture, His path for me and He never once made me feel unworthy, too much trouble, a spoiled rotten brat that He had to get out of His nice comfy kingdom to come rescue because I was a dumb sheep His dad gave Him to care for.
Jesus does not despise dying for us. God does not despise creating us.
The Holy Spirit does not despise guiding us.
Jesus did not despise the cross, the pain, rejection, suffering, and death He would endure because He knew the final outcome. Life. Eternal life for those of us who would come to call upon His name for salvation.
His death brought life. His resurrection brought victory for every battle you or I will ever face. His resurrection meant He overcame the world. The death and decay that our world is in. The beatings and blows of this life do not have to have the final say when we learn to trust in the Almighty One, because when we receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, like Him, we too are resurrected from the sting of death.
On October 11, 1983, my daughter was killed in a tragic car accident. I was supposed to be the one who protected my daughter from harm. I was supposed to have been the one that she could count on for protection and harm, like being snug and cozy in the womb of protection. But I failed her. I took the life of my own baby. It was called an accident, but for me, in my heart, soul, and mind, I killed her! How could that be!? My brain and my heart were in a battle of confusion, shock, and disarray. I trusted God to keep her safe with me in a custody battle we were in the middle of.
I had sought God in earnest prayer to watch over her and keep her from the evil that was pursuing her. The abuse of an earthly father. But the accident came and I was left carrying the shame and betrayal and brokenness of a trust I put in God.
At least that is what I convinced myself of.
I was right in the middle of trying to repair, fix, and change a lot of bad decisions I had made in my early teens. I was a 20-year-old young woman seeking shelter and protection that I knew God could give. I was actively involved in a bible study group, desperately trying to correct my past so I could keep my two young children from harm.
When the accident happened, my mind could not handle the noise and the pain of what occurred, and so I just shut down. My mind decided, for survival, that everything needed to shut down, and it did. Everything within me shut down.
I checked out of life and checked myself into hell. A living dead man’s hell.
I turned my back on God because I thought her death was His way of telling me that I was rejected. It was too late. My sins were too much.
My pastor at that time mistakenly led me to believe that her death was the result of my teenage indiscretions.
I was lost for decades in the way I thought and believed because I did not have the truth in me. I did not have a strong, biblically founded truth of God, or in the Kingdom Laws and Precepts that are already in place.
(From one of my personal journal entries) Even though I was lost in my thinking for a very long time - just like the prodigal son in the bible, I eventually turned back toward home.
Once, I turned away from God, feeling hurt, broken, and betrayed by Him. Then a day came when out of desperation from decades of actually being hurt, broken, lost, betrayed, confused by others or myself - I turned back to Him, and He was immediately present with me. It was Instant. It felt “instant” because He never left me. He never left my side. Not for 1 second!
And now, over 40 years later, my faith in God, my heavenly Father, is greater than the day my enemy tried to use my pain as a source of bitterness and sorrow to hate my God, but in the end, God’s love created an unbreakable bond of trust between Him and me. I can testify to His unfailing, unwavering, and unyielding pursuit of His children! ( end of journal entry)
God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. The same God of Abraham, Moses, David - He is the same God we believe in today, but! Today, we live in God’s grace. The Old Testament is full of God’s wrath and anger, and demonstrates God’s Might, strength, and Power as a God who hates sin.
What we all need to begin to understand is that our God is the same, yes, but His position towards us is LOVE. God is Love. His entire message in the bible, if we read it with an open heart and from the correct perspective to begin with, is all about love. His love for all of humanity.
God hates sin because it pulls us away from Him, from life, and leads us down a slippery slope to death and separation from Him.
God hates sin, but He loves us. His creation.
We are born into sin. As Pastor Alexa put it in a recent message, we were born into a “Human Error” world.
( I will have that message link in our notes today for you; it is a really good message!)
As we continue this journey of learning to be steadfast, to endure, knowing it will strengthen us in the end, while recognizing and being humble enough to have a personal acknowledgement, that none of it is doable if we haven’t reached a point where we are willing to step out on this challenge of spiritual maturity in absolute trust in God.
I guarantee you that if you step out with an authentic heart and determination in your step, that even though it may not be an easy journey, like me, you will say, “ I can’t go back to the way I was, there is nothing for me there’
It is not easy to face yourself every day in the mirror and allow God’s word to test your nature, your character, your integrity.
I still cringe some days when I realize that I have a really spoiled, rotten attitude rising up in me.
But I love that God and I have a Father-daughter relationship now, that I can walk and talk with Jesus knowing He has been where I am struggling, and He brings me peace when I pause and look to Him for direction.
I know He is standing with the Father, speaking on my behalf and all the while, I am also learning to lean into the whispers of the Holy Spirit when I want to say that thing that I should not say but the person really, really deserves to hear what I want to say…, but the Holy Spirit is so graciously pulling on my mouth sleeve saying - best to let the Father handle this, you know how much a bad attitude can keep you at the same altitude.
Going nowhere. And probably a very bumpy ride! LOL
The bible is not meant to tell you how much you suck! It is a message of hope that when the way is too dark, or the day just feels too hard, or you can’t seem to make your way through all the noise, He is the Creator of light. Of everything good. It is up to us to get into His word so He can direct our steps through all the minefields, traps, snares, and entanglements that will lead us away from Him if we are not steadfast. Suppose we do not have endurance if we don’t learn to wait for Him to show us the way through.
Hear the lesson in Proverbs 3. The wisdom of avoiding unnecessary complications on our journey, if we will only not just hear the words, but also do them, put them into a daily practice:
Proverbs 3: 5-8: (NLT): Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
Then you will have healing for your body and strength for your bones.
Wait. Seek. Then let Him reveal it to you, reveal to you the best path for your life. But it begins with TRUST.
I have mentioned before that it is vital to get into a church that teaches on the New Covenant relationship we have with God. A lot of our misgivings with God, our misunderstanding about God, are because we do not have the Truth of the Good News, personally in us.
I lived in such deep rejection and shame when my daughter died, believing she was taken from me by God because He was displeased with me. That I failed one too many times. I needed to learn a lesson.
It was confusing, and it created a chasm between God and me that the devil just loved. The further away from the truth of who God is I became, the easier it was for me to be on the lost road of self- destruction.
I thought God was abusive, angry, never happy or satisfied. I thought appearances and religious talk were his forte. His preferences for the people He would approve of. But as I learned the truth, when my perspective of who I thought God was changed to who I knew Him to be personally, my entire view of life and of God changed.
The film was removed from my eyes, and for the first time, I began to see through His truth. From his advantageous point.
I was able to see above what the enemy was trying to get me to see, through a twisted lens that God is angry and full of disappointment and regret towards His creation of mankind, to where I was actually seeing and experiencing the depths of His love, right up to fully understanding everything that was undone by Jesus when He rose up out of that grave.
Resurrection.Redemption. Restoration.
Those are ours when we trust and obey God’s plan for us.
Satan wants you so discombobulated in your thinking, so twisted up inside with heartbreak after heartbreak and let down after let down. To make you feel angry, betrayed, lied to, duped, hoodwinked, swindled, embarrassed, ashamed, rejected, neglected, just downright deceived in every area of your life, so that there is no way you will ever trust, truly trust, free-falling directly into the arms of God.
Do we really trust God for every single simple need and request we have with absolute certainty that His word is true? Not just real. But True. Not just True, but THE TRUTH!
Truth about his heart towards you! That your emotions and feelings no longer control your life because you are learning to know who you are in Christ.
But, if you are not careful, like me, because your soul has been so severely wounded, you may find that you are walking this earth a jaded person.
After the death of my daughter, I became a very jaded person. For years, I tried to hide it by hiding myself. Something in me tried to survive by hiding from a pain that was too severe for me to overcome on my own. People could not help; it was the kind of pain that only God could heal me from, but I didn’t believe He was for me. I thought He was against me. My wrong perspective caused me to turn away from the truth of who God really is.
My Help. My Comfort. My Father. I am who He says I am. His beloved child.
God is not some cosmic existence. He is not a system or a futuristic hologram of sorts. God is the Creator of all things seen and unseen. There is nothing and no one above God.
Psalm 146:6: (NLT) He made heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them. He keeps every promise forever.
Colossians 1:16: (NLT) for through him God created everything in the heavenly realms and on earth. He made the things we can see and the things we can’t see— such as thrones, kingdoms, rulers, and authorities in the unseen world. Everything was created through him and for him.
God is your very present Help.
Psalm 46:1: (AMP) God is our refuge and strength [mighty and impenetrable], A very present and well-proved help in trouble.
When our perspective of God is jaded, altered, out of focus due to a film, or a veil, a covering over our spiritual eyes, then we can completely miss the mark. We can shoot our arrow of hope towards Him and miss Him, because we see Him as some target to hit; when it is our hearts that are in need of the arrow of His word alive in us, so that we do not become jaded.
When we do not fear facing ourselves out of the fear of rejection from God, then the healing will come.
Let’s see if you can recognize any of these. Here are some definitions of being jaded that you can find online:
Key Characteristics of a Jaded Person
Constant Negativity: Jaded individuals often have a pessimistic outlook on life, expecting the worst outcomes
Lack of Enthusiasm: show disinterest or a lack of passion for activities they previously enjoyed, or disengagement from life.
Emotional Detachment: Struggle to connect with others on a deeper level, appearing emotionally distant or indifferent. This detachment can hinder their ability to form meaningful relationships. *****
Cynicism and Skepticism: They tend to be skeptical of new ideas or opportunities, often resisting change due to a belief that things will not improve or that they will be disappointed again.
Feeling Drained: A persistent sense of exhaustion, both mentally and emotionally, is common among jaded individuals. They may feel overwhelmed by their negative experiences and find it hard to regain their energy.
Blame and Resentment: Jaded people often project a self-righteous attitude, believing they are justified in their feelings of resentment. They may blame others for their problems and express impatience or anger frequently.
Criticism and Sarcasm: They may lash out at others, using sarcasm and criticism as a defense mechanism. This behavior can create a toxic environment for those around them.
Can you find yourself in any of those definitions??
At one time in my life, I could find myself in all of those!! LOL
Before we can develop steadfast, patient endurance, which is what we have been talking about the past few times together, we must have absolute trust in God.
We must first turn our jaded hearts over to Him in submission and with complete humility.
If you have experienced repetitive disappointments, if you feel burned out, if your trust has been broken, and your life just feels like it has been shaken and beaten down until hope seems like a joke meant to torture you rather than lifting you up, then maybe, like I once was, you are experiencing life through a jaded lens.
This is the part of the journey that can become revolutionary to you if you are in your life, where I once was, and you need something dramatic to change. A shift.
Suppose your life has been in utter chaos and disorder and confusion. Suppose you can’t seem to experience a normal life. Haha - is there such a thing as normal??
Seriously though, if you feel like you have been on a pathway going nowhere, then life could make a dramatic shift and you could find yourself on a brand new path that leads you to a destination you never saw coming or thought was even possible - if you want to revolutionize your life, it will require you to get into God’s word like you are on an exploration dig.
I told you in another conversation that God gave me Hebrews 10:36 back in 2018, but it wasn’t until 2019 that I really became determined that I was going to know for myself who God was to me. Me. Not what others said or taught. I needed to do this journey alone with Him.
My mind and my heart were split on God. My heart wanted to believe He was good and kind, and if Jesus loved Him, He must be okay. lol
I believed Jesus was for me, but He had to keep God from consuming me in the fires of hell, so it was like I was trying to see if God was schizophrenic.
I sang songs of the Godhead, three in one. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But I really did not understand it.
But when I got into the bible and with a genuine desire to know the truth, it was like the word became alive to me. The same passages of scripture I had read my whole life began to reveal themselves to me.
I sat down and prayed to God, basically saying that I was at the end of my rope. My life was not the life I wanted. I alienated myself from people I loved because I was afraid of being close, of being hurt, of betrayal, and rejection. I was not the person I thought I would be.
It is a very sad thing to wake up one day and realize you are so far away from who you wanted to be when you grew up.
I was disappointed with myself. I didn’t like myself anymore, and I woke up to a desperate need for change. I needed a revolution. I needed truth, but I needed it gently because I just couldn’t take any more negativity in my life.
And God showed up! Do you know we are far more negative about ourselves than God ever would be??!!
If you need a boost of self-worth, God is who you need to come to know. He will give you a brand new identity in Him, and then you will never question your value or worth again.
I have mentioned it a couple of times lately, but you really need to let God’s word get into you. You need to eat His words as if they are the very food for life.
Because it is! His word is our daily bread.
It is living and active! If you read it with a heart that says, “ Bring Your word alive to me, God. Let Your word breathe Your breath of life into me. Let your word revive me and heal my brokenness. Let Your word bring me closer to fully knowing You - it will!
Hebrews 4:12 (BSB ) tells us: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it pierces even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
It's when in sincerity we let Him in that once again, our true healing begins.
Let’s end our conversation today with a few takeaways from Pastor Alexa’s message on Psalm 8 that I referenced earlier to carry with us into our week to help frame our identity as a child of God.
God made mankind and all of creation. The human soul has always echoed the same questions: Why am I here? How did I get here? Is there any purpose? The evidence points us to an almighty God – the Creator of all. Intentional. Personal. We are because the great I AM says we are.
God made mankind something glorious. He did not create us sinful – He created us glorious. Sin entered the story through a fallen world marked by human error, and that is why the cross of Christ is the most significant moment in all of human history. Because of the cross, we are redeemed back to our Father and able to reflect His image once again.
God made mankind for a high and worthy destiny. Your life is not incidental. Every life in Christ is drenched in the plans and purposes of God. Purpose always comes with responsibility. In God’s created order, humanity is placed in authority over all that He has made. This means that everything we do has significance, and every action can reflect His design and intention.
Listen, everyone: Our world needs us to bring the life and light of Jesus everywhere we go.
The pressure is not on us to be perfect, but we are perfected already by who we are in Christ!!!
Hold onto the Truth that God loves you! He isn’t mad, angry, disappointed, or through with you. He wants you to know that your BEST DAYS ARE YET TO COME!!!!
Don’t forget to check out today’s notes and Pastor Alexa’s message on heartfeltconversations.com
AND!!! If you do not have a church home, then I invite you to tune in to our online services at Valley Family Church. Tell the online host that Diana invited you! 🙂
You can find the link for the online services in today’s notes as well:
https://www.valleyfamilychurch.org/online
This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it! Psalms 118:24:(NLT)
Have a beautiful week, and I will …..
See ya next time on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
Psalm 8: A Celebration of God's Greatness & Our Identity | Pastor Alexa Jones
Thirst Quenchers
Songs to Inspire You:
You've Already Won (Live) | Shane & Shane
RHETT WALKER - Goodness of God: Official Lyric Video
Foundational Encouraging Verses:
Isaiah 42:16: God’s Word Translation
I will lead the blind on unfamiliar roads. I will lead them on unfamiliar paths. I will turn darkness into light in front of them. I will make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do for them, and I will never abandon them.
Isaiah 54:10: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
Psalm 119:105: Your word is a light unto our path and a light unto our feet.
Isaiah 54:17: But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Isaiah 52:12: (EASY) But you will not have to hurry and run away. No, the Lord, Israel's God, will keep you safe. He will lead you at the front, and He will be your guard at the back.
Matthew 7:11: So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
1 Peter 2:23 tells us - When He was insulted, He did not answer back with an insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but placed His hopes in God, the righteous Judge.
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that… they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
The New Living Translation reads it this way: Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life."
Luke 6:37 “Forgive, and you will be forgiven”.
Matthew 6:14: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Romans 8:31 in the AMP Bible tells us: What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us?
Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
Psalm 32:8: The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Proverbs 15:3: The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Additional Resources:
Steven Furtick: Triggered Taking Back Your Mind in the Age of Anxiety
Beth Jones: Getting a Grip on the Basics is a great resource to help you get the basics of how vital you are to God and how good He desires to be to you
https://www.thebasicsuniversity.com
Joyce Meyer: The Mind is a Battlefield - https://joycemeyer.org
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born-again child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand-new Christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, and we will forward your information to you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you.