Disillusionment with Self
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana
The Night is Normal Study
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, I thought I was past this by now?
You love Jesus. You know Scripture. You've experienced healing and growth. But then an old fear, insecurity, rejection, weakness, or unhealthy pattern suddenly resurfaces—and instead of simply dealing with the struggle, you begin questioning yourself.
Why am I still struggling with this? Shouldn't I be stronger? Shouldn't I be further along?
In Week 6A of The Night Is Normal, Disillusionment With Self: When You Know the Truth but Still Struggle, Diana explores what happens when disappointment with our progress begins affecting how we see ourselves.
Through Romans 7, Jesus in Gethsemane, Paul's teaching about weakness, and the promise of Philippians 1:6, we'll discover that victory isn't the absence of difficult feelings, weakness isn't disqualification, and unfinished doesn't mean failing.
Sometimes God isn't showing us a weakness to shame us. He's lovingly revealing another place He wants us to bring into His grace.
God has never had any illusions about you. You are fully known, completely loved, and still being formed by grace.
Diana’s Notes
Disillusionment with Self
The Night is Normal Part 10: When You Know the Truth But Still Struggle
Anchor Truth:
God has never had any illusions about you. You are fully known, completely loved, and still being formed by grace.
Hello everybody!!! And welcome back to Heartfelt Conversations with Diana. Today’s episode is Disillusionment with self! When you know the truth and still struggle.
I am super grateful to you for tuning in.
We have been walking through The Night Is Normal together and talking about disillusionment—those seasons when what we believed, expected, assumed, or hoped would happen doesn't quite match the reality standing in front of us.
And we've talked a lot about what happens when we become disillusioned with circumstances. Or with life. Or even with God because He didn't do something the way we thought He would.
And today? Hold on to your drawers. LOL! We are bringing this conversation a little closer to home. Because sometimes the person who disappoints us most...
Is us. Ourselves.
Anybody want to turn the podcast off now? LOL!
Don't do it. Because I actually think there is tremendous freedom waiting for us in this topic Today about: Disillusionment With Self.
What happens when you genuinely love Jesus, you've been walking with Him...
You’ve learned some Scripture...you've grown...you've healed...you've prayed...you've forgiven...you've worked through some things...and then suddenly…
There it is again.
That old insecurity. That fear. That rejection. That temper. That thought pattern. That tendency to compare yourself.
That thing you were absolutely certain you and Jesus had already dealt with!
And you think:
Seriously?
Are we still doing this? I thought I was further along than this! I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I had overcome this.
I thought Christians weren't supposed to struggle with this after they've been walking with Jesus for a while.
And before long, we're not simply dealing with the struggle anymore.
We're dealing with what the struggle is making us believe about ourselves.
So what do we do when?......
WHEN THE STRUGGLE STARTS TALKING
Hebrews 12:1 says:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”— Hebrews 12:1, NLT
That phrase—
“the sin that so easily trips us up” really gets me.
Because there are some things in our lives that don't just feel like they trip us once.
Sometimes they feel like they're pursuing us.
You know what I mean? They KEEP ON tripping us up!
You can be doing great, and then something happens and…
Hello, rejection!
Where have you been? And yep, fear came too! And look! Insecurity
There are some deep-rooted struggles that seem to know exactly where we live.
Sometimes they were formed through upbringing, sometimes through trauma.
Sometimes through unhealthy patterns we've practiced for years.
Sometimes it's simply an area where our flesh keeps fighting against what God is forming within us.
Paul understood that struggle.
Listen to the honesty of Romans 7.
He says:
“I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong... There is another power within me that is at war with my mind... Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?”— Romans 7:21–24, NLT
And then Paul answers his own question:
“Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”— Romans 7:25, NLT
I love it!
Because Paul doesn't say:
The answer is Diana finally getting herself together.
Thank goodness. We'd all be in trouble.
No! He says:
The answer is Jesus.
KNOWING THE TRUTH AND STILL STRUGGLING
This is where disillusionment with ourselves can become dangerous.
Because we know Scriptures like Romans 8:37.
We know we are more than conquerors through Christ.
We know we're redeemed. We know we're forgiven. We know we're new creations. We know God loves us. And yet… we still wrestle.
We still have self-talk that needs correcting.
Those stubborn weeds of rejection, abandonment, fear, insecurity, and self-loathing can still flare up.
And suddenly the enemy has us looking at:
what we are… or what we are not...
instead of standing our ground in:
Who we are IN CHRIST.
And I think this is an important distinction.
The struggle itself may not be the greatest danger.
The greater danger may be allowing that struggle to redefine our identity.
There's a huge difference between saying:
“I'm struggling with fear.” and saying: “I am fearful.” There's a difference between: “I failed at something.” and “I am a failure.”
There's a difference between:
“I responded badly.” and “I'm a bad Christian.”
One describes something that happened.
The other tries to tell you who you are.
And when we become disillusioned with ourselves, we need to be very careful about who gets to write the definition.
BUILDING BLOCK ONE
CRITIQUE YOUR DEFINITION OF VICTORY
One of the statements Alicia makes in this section of The Night Is Normal is:
When disillusioned with yourself, critique your definition of victory.
I really like that.
Because sometimes the problem isn't that we're losing.
Sometimes we've simply been using the wrong scoreboard.
Maybe we've decided victory means:
“I never struggle anymore.”
“I never get afraid.”
“I never get angry.”
“I never feel insecure.”
“I never have a bad day.”
“I never question myself.”
“I never get tired.”
“I always feel spiritual.”
Well...
Good luck with that.
LOL!
We're human beings.
And one of the truths Alicia brings out is that:
Victory sourced in feelings is not viable.
Feelings are real.
But feelings are also fickle.
I know this because I spent a long time letting mine lead me.
And boy, did I get lost in them!
Our feelings can change because we're tired.
Because somebody hurt us.
Because something didn't happen the way we wanted.
Because an old memory got stirred up.
Because we're hungry.
Because it's Tuesday!
Sometimes I don't even know!
But if my definition of spiritual victory is:
“I feel victorious today,”
then on the days when I don't...
I am going to assume I'm defeated.
And that's simply not true.
SCRIPTURE — 2 CORINTHIANS 5:7
“For we live by believing and not by seeing.”— 2 Corinthians 5:7, NLT
Our faith cannot be anchored to what changes constantly.
And feelings change constantly.
Victory isn't ultimately about our ability.
Victory rests in our position in the One who holds all our victories.
So maybe victory today isn't:
“I wasn't afraid.”
Maybe victory is:
“I was afraid—and I trusted God anyway.”
Maybe victory isn't:
“I wasn't hurt.”
Maybe victory is:
“I was hurt, but I didn't allow the hurt to determine my response.”
Maybe victory isn't:
“I felt like worshiping.”
Maybe victory is:
“I didn't feel like worshiping, but I worshiped Him because He's worthy.”
That's not being a fraud.
That's faith.
Sometimes obedience happens before our feelings catch up.
And very often, when we turn our attention toward God, our feelings begin to follow.
JESUS UNDERSTANDS HUMAN EMOTION
And if you've ever thought having difficult emotions somehow makes you less spiritual, look at Jesus.
In the Garden of Gethsemane, Mark tells us Jesus became deeply distressed and troubled.
Jesus said:
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”— Mark 14:34, NIV
Who has been there?
Maybe not in exactly the same circumstances, obviously.
But overwhelmed? Deeply distressed? Troubled?
And what did Jesus do with those feelings?
He went to His Father.
He prayed:
“Abba, Father... everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”— Mark 14:36, NIV
Jesus didn't pretend He wasn't hurting.
He didn't deny His emotions.
He didn't shame Himself for experiencing them.
But He also didn't surrender His identity or His obedience to them.
He entrusted Himself to His Father.
And there's a lesson in that for us.
Feelings are something we bring to God—not something we make our god.
We don't have to deny them. We don't have to obey every one of them either.
We can say: “Father, this is what I'm feeling. This is where I'm struggling.
This hurts. I'm afraid. I'm disappointed. I'm angry. I'm exhausted.
But I trust You more than I trust what I feel right now.”
That is not weakness. That is maturity.
BUILDING BLOCK TWO
LET YOUR WEAKNESS LEAD YOU TO HIS STRENGTH
Second Corinthians 12:9. You probably know it.
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9, NLT.
This can become one of those Scriptures we know so well that we almost stop hearing it.
But wait. Listen again.
“My power works best in weakness.”
That's enormous. HUGE!
Because we spend an awful lot of energy trying not to look weak.
We want to have the answer. We want to be capable. We want to be independent. We want everyone to think we've got it together.
But I have had to learn to ask within myself:
What is God whispering to me through my weakness?
And that has been a very personal lesson for me.
There was a time in my life when I was fiercely independent.
I had been hurt. I had been betrayed.
And somewhere along the way I decided: I'll figure it out myself.
I won't need anybody. And then life changed.
Things I had always been able to do by myself, for a period of time, I couldn’t anymore.
My independence was confronted.
And through my weakness, I began learning dependence in an entirely different way.
Not simply dependence on people. Dependence on Him.
And I am still learning that every day.
We are far better off saying:
“God, I'm too weak in this area. Help me with Your strength.”
Instead of pretending we've got it together because we're worried about what it might look like if we don't.
It is okay not to be perfect. It's okay not to have all the answers.
I actually think one of the most powerful ways we can witness to other people is simply to own our stuff.
Not glorify it. Not excuse sin. Not make weakness our identity.
Just tell the truth.
I'm not perfect. But you know what?
Everything I am not has been covered by the blood of Jesus.
That takes so much pressure off of trying harder to be perfect. Or convince someone that you are worthy.
I don't have to convince you that I'm sufficient.
Because He is all-sufficient. That makes me all-sufficient in Him!
Without Him, I would always feel insufficient.
My insufficiency doesn't scare God.
It creates room for me to recognize His sufficiency.
And that gives me a humble, grateful heart.
Not: “Look how great I am.”
But: “Look how faithful HE is.”
Here's something else I'm learning:
None of our experiences are wasted when we surrender them to the Lord.
God can take the very thing we thought would crush us and use it to bring us into deeper intimacy with Jesus.
And think about what that means.
The enemy wants pain to drive you away from God.
But when surrendered pain drives you toward God...
the enemy's purpose is defeated.
What was meant to isolate you becomes a place of intimacy.
What was meant to shame you becomes testimony.
What was meant to convince you that you're weak becomes the place where you discover the strength of Christ.
Only Jesus can do that.
BUILDING BLOCK THREE
GIVE YOURSELF GRACE TO BE GROWING
This may be the one somebody needs most today.
I think sometimes we confuse our emotions with sin.
Scripture says:
“In your anger do not sin.”— Ephesians 4:26, NIV
Notice it doesn't say: Never feel angry. It tells us what to do with anger.
We're going to have emotions.
We're going to have feelings. We're going to become frustrated.
We're going to get tired. We're going to misunderstand things.
We're going to have moments where we don't respond perfectly.
Because...
Hello… we're human! LOL
So here's the real question:
Do you give yourself permission to be human and grow?
Because when we're disillusioned with ourselves, we need to give ourselves grace to grow.
Luke tells us something fascinating about Jesus:
“There the child grew up healthy and strong. He was filled with wisdom, and God's favor was on him.”— Luke 2:40, NLT.
And then Luke 2:52 says:
“Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and all the people.”— NLT
Jesus grew.
Growth is a process.
And if growth is a process, then not being finished doesn't mean something has gone wrong.
Growing is not failure.
We are becoming.
What if we started noticing the small strides?
Maybe you didn't respond perfectly—but you recovered faster.
That's growth.
Maybe fear came—but this time you recognized it sooner.
That's growth.
Maybe you got offended—but instead of carrying it for three weeks, you took it to Jesus in three hours.
Hey! That's growth!
Celebrate what God is doing.
Philippians 1:6 says:
“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished...”— Philippians 1:6, NLT
Notice who's doing the work.
God.
And notice something else.
It isn't finished yet.
Neither are you.
Neither am I.
So maybe we need to stop demanding perfect behavior from people God says are still under construction.
That includes ourselves.
GOD ISN'T SHAMING YOU—HE'S FORMING YOU
I want to make an important distinction here.
Grace doesn't mean we ignore sin.
Grace doesn't mean we don't repent.
Grace doesn't mean everything we do is okay.
The Holy Spirit absolutely convicts us.
But conviction and shame do very different things.
Shame says:
“Look what's wrong with you.”
The Holy Spirit says:
“Let Me show you something I want to heal.”
Shame makes us want to hide.
Grace invites us closer.
God isn't exposing weakness to humiliate us.
He wants us whole.
He doesn't want fear, rejection, bitterness, insecurity, or anything else having a grip on our joy, peace, or rest in Him.
You aren't shocking God with information about yourself.
He has never said:
“Whoa! Diana! I did NOT see that coming!”
LOL! No. He knew. Way before I was ever born, or you were ever born, He knew everything about us. He created us. Of course He knows our full history.
Before you recognized any weakness...
He knew.
He loves you!
Which brings us back to the truth I want us to carry from this entire episode:
GOD HAS NEVER HAD ANY ILLUSIONS ABOUT YOU.
You may become disillusioned with yourself.
God doesn't.
Because He never had an illusion to lose.
So before we close today, I want you to ask yourself something.
Where have you been the hardest on yourself lately?
What keeps resurfacing that makes you think:
“I should be further along.”
“I shouldn't still struggle with this.”
“I should be stronger.”
“I should know better.”
Instead of condemning yourself, will you ask Jesus this question:
“Lord, what do You want me to see here?”
Don’t speak: “What's wrong with me?”
Ask: “What are You wanting to form in me?”
“Is there something I need to repent of?”
“Is there something I need to release?”
“Is there a lie I've been believing?”
“Is there a wound that still needs Your healing truth?”
“Is there simply an area where I need to give myself grace to grow?”
And then… Be Still…. (Psalm 46:10)
listen.
Because you are safe with Him.
Before we pray, let's put our three Building Blocks together.
BUILDING BLOCK ONE:
Critique Your Definition of Victory.
2 Corinthians 5:7 — “For we live by believing and not by seeing.”
Victory isn't the absence of difficult feelings.
Sometimes victory is choosing truth while you're feeling them.
BUILDING BLOCK TWO:
Let Your Weakness Lead You to His Strength.
2 Corinthians 12:9 — “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
Stop trying to prove you're sufficient.
You don't have to be.
He is.
BUILDING BLOCK THREE:
Give Yourself Grace to Be Growing.
Philippians 1:6 — God will continue the good work He began in you.
Growing is not failure.
We are becoming.
And through all three, remember:
God has never had any illusions about you.
You are fully known.
Completely loved.
And still being formed by grace.
Father,
Thank You that You know us completely. There is nothing hidden from You.
No weakness surprises You. No struggle frightens You. No failure makes You reconsider Your love for us.
Forgive us for the times we've allowed our feelings, our failures, or our weaknesses to tell us who we are instead of standing firmly in who You say we are in Christ.
Help us redefine victory. Teach us that victory isn't always feeling strong.
Sometimes victory is choosing to trust You when we feel weak.
Sometimes victory is worshiping when we don't feel like worshiping.
Sometimes victory is simply taking the next faithful step.
Father, teach us not to hide our weaknesses from You.
Help us bring them honestly before You and allow Your strength to meet us there.
Give us grace to be growing. When we stumble, help us learn.
When we sin, help us repent quickly and receive Your forgiveness fully.
When shame tells us we're not enough, remind us that Jesus is.
And when we become disappointed in ourselves, remind us:
You have never had any illusions about us.
You knew exactly who we were when You called us.
You knew exactly who we were when Jesus went to the cross.
And everything we are not has been covered by Jesus.
Thank You for loving us while You're forming us.
Thank You for being patient with the process.
Thank You that the good work You began in us is still underway.
We trust You with who we are...
and with who we are becoming.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Remember! Growing is not failure.
We're becoming!
Don't beat yourself up.
And the God who knows you completely… loves you completely.
Until next time, remember:
Faith grows deepest in the places we would not have chosen.
And
Everything we are not...has been covered by Jesus.
God's invitation has always been, "Come closer."
Keep moving toward Jesus. One ordinary step… One ordinary day… At a time.
Like us & follow us on our Heartfelt Conversations with Diana Facebook page! Help us to get the Gospel of the Good News out to more people!
And on our Facebook page, you will find Daily Delights with Diana - short, easy-to-read daily encouragements to get your day started with our LORD.
You can join us online for Sunday service at Valley Family Church! If you are nearby, please join us for the 9 AM or the 11:15 services.
You can find the link for Valley’s Sunday service, the notes from today’s podcast, and the latest teaching by our Senior Pastor Eric Jones: “Do Not Lean On Your Own Understanding “
You can find all of it on our website - heartfeltconversations.com
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13 (NLT)
God bless & I’ll see ya next time on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
Pastor Eric’s message:
Valley Family Church YouTube Channel for Sunday Service:
https://www.youtube.com/@ValleyFamilyChurch/streams
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana Facebook link:
https://www.facebook.com/HeartfeltConversations
Diana’s Playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkeS6qzdekMr55A_b1cG_Yv2fy_BvQ27D
Foundational Encouraging Verses:
Isaiah 42:16: God’s Word Translation: I will lead the blind on unfamiliar roads. I will lead them on unfamiliar paths. I will turn darkness into light in front of them. I will make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do for them, and I will never abandon them.
Isaiah 54:10: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Psalm 119:105: Your word is a light unto our path and a light unto our feet.
Isaiah 54:17: But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Isaiah 52:12: (EASY) But you will not have to hurry and run away. No, the Lord, Israel's God, will keep you safe. He will lead you at the front, and He will be your guard at the back.
Isaiah 46:10: “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’”
Matthew 7:11: So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
1 Peter 2:23 tells us: When He was insulted, He did not answer back with an insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but placed His hopes in God, the righteous Judge.
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that… they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
The New Living Translation reads it this way: Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life."
Luke 6:37: “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Matthew 6:14: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Romans 8:31 in the AMP Bible tells us: What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us?
Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
Psalm 32:8: The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Proverbs 15:3: The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Additional Resources:
Steven Furtick: Triggered Taking Back Your Mind in the Age of Anxiety
Beth Jones: Getting a Grip on the Basics is a great resource to help you get the basics of how vital you are to God and how good He desires to be to you
https://www.thebasicsuniversity.com
Joyce Meyer: The Mind is a Battlefield - https://joycemeyer.org
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born-again child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand-new Christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, and we will forward your information to you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you.