Learning to Walk Forward
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana
Sometimes the hardest part of a night season isn't only what happened to us. It's what happened inside us because of what happened to us—the conclusions we drew, the walls we built, and the beliefs we carried forward.
In this episode of Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, we explore what it means to move forward without pretending the night never happened.
Forgiveness doesn't require us to abandon wisdom. Grace doesn't require us to deny the facts. And patient endurance doesn't mean remaining indefinitely in harmful circumstances.
Through Scripture and personal testimony, Diana shares how Hebrews 10:36 became an answer during a season when she desperately wanted God to tell her what to do. Instead, she discovered something she hadn't been looking for:
“For you have need of patient endurance…”
We may not always have the answers, but we can trust God with all the answers—and continue walking by faith.
Because sometimes what we need isn't another piece of information.
Sometimes we need the grace to remain steady while we don't have the information.
Diana’s Notes
Learning to Walk Forward - Without Carrying the Past with You
The Night Is Normal Part 15
Hello everybody!!! And welcome back to Heartfelt Conversations with Diana! Can you believe that we are getting ready to wrap up our Heartfelt Conversations on the study by Dr. Alicia Britt Chole - The Night Is Normal! What a journey this has been!
We've talked about disappointment. We've talked about disillusionment. We've talked about identity, trust, grace, and those moments when what we thought we knew about ourselves, other people, and even God gets shaken.
And if you've been walking through this series with me, perhaps you've discovered something. Sometimes the hardest part of the night isn't what happened to us. Sometimes it's what happened inside us because of what happened to us. The things we began to believe. The conclusions we drew. The walls we built. The promises we made to ourselves.
And sometimes, without even realizing it, we begin arranging our entire lives around something that happened years ago.
Now, I don't know about you, but I have spent a considerable amount of time rearranging the furniture in rooms I was never meant to live in… forever! And some of those rooms? Good grief. I decorated them myself! Know what I mean??? (Laugh.)
But here's what I want us to consider today.
What if moving forward doesn't require us to pretend the night season never happened? What if it means learning that those night seasons no longer get to make all our decisions?
That's where we're going today. So grab your coffee, find your favorite chair, and let's have ourselves a heartfelt conversation.
PART ONE — WHEN DISAPPOINTMENT BECOMES A LENS
In our last conversation, we talked about disillusionment with others. And we established something I believe is worth carrying forward. Grace can change the lens without changing the facts. That matters.
Because sometimes when we talk about forgiveness, people hear something we aren't actually saying. They hear, "It wasn't that bad." Or, "You should be over it by now." Or perhaps, "If you really trusted God, you wouldn't still be affected by what happened."
But that isn't what we're talking about. We're not talking about denying the facts. We're talking about what happens when the facts begin shaping the way we see everything else. One person betrays our trust, and suddenly everyone becomes suspicious. Someone abandons us, and we begin living as though everyone eventually will. Someone misrepresents the character of God, and we begin wondering whether God Himself can be trusted.
Do you see what can happen? An experience becomes an expectation. An expectation becomes a belief. And that belief begins influencing our decisions.
We talked about this earlier in our series when we examined the illusions we create. What we believe shapes how we live. And that doesn't stop being true simply because the illusion was born out of something genuinely painful. Sometimes what happened to us was real. The hurt was real. The consequences were real. But the conclusion we reached about ourselves or God may not have been true at all.
And that's where grace begins inviting us to examine what we've been carrying.
I derailed my own life because I convinced myself to believe my mom did not love me. That I was unlovable. I wasted decades trying to find a way to earn love from people. The conclusion I drew about my mom appeared
to be true. What I created about my mom appeared to be true because she was not all warm and fuzzy with me. I misinterpreted her actions as rejection when later I discovered that my mom was carrying her own pain from her own past. My hurt was real. But the conclusion I drew about my mom was not reality. She did love me the best she knew how.
This is where I am learning - Grace can change the lens without rewriting the facts.
PART TWO — FORGIVENESS DOES NOT REQUIRE US TO ABANDON WISDOM
Now, I want to be careful here. Because when we're discussing disillusionment with people, particularly people who have hurt us deeply, we need to distinguish forgiveness from reconciliation. They aren't the same thing.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (AMP) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malice]. Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.
Ephesians 4 teaches us to put away bitterness and to extend kindness, compassion, and forgiveness to one another, just as God has forgiven us in Christ. But that instruction doesn't mean every relationship can or should return to what it once was.
Trust may need to be rebuilt. Boundaries may be necessary. And sometimes, for our safety or well-being, a relationship cannot continue.
Romans 12 gives us a helpful perspective on this.
Romans 12:18 (AMP) If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Paul tells us to live at peace with everyone if it is possible, as far as it depends on us. Did you catch that? If it is possible. As far as it depends on us.
We are responsible for our responses, but we cannot control another person's choices. And forgiveness does not make us responsible for manufacturing reconciliation when the other person is unwilling to acknowledge harm or change destructive behavior.
Here's something worth considering.
● We can forgive someone without giving them permission to repeat the same behavior.
● We can extend grace without surrendering discernment. ● And we can choose not to retaliate while still acknowledging that something was wrong.
Jesus never asked us to pretend darkness was light. He invites us to walk in truth. And the truth includes both what happened and what He says about us. We are not required to become prisoners of someone else's choices.
PART THREE — WE CANNOT CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT WE CAN CHOOSE OUR NEXT STEP
Let's look at Philippians 3 -
Philippians 3:12–14 (AMP) Not that I have already obtained it [this goal of being Christlike] or have already been made perfect, but I actively press on so that I may take hold of that [perfection] for which Christ Jesus took hold
of me and made me His own. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind
and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [heavenly] prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Paul talks about pressing forward toward the goal. And I love that he doesn't present himself as someone who has already arrived. He acknowledges that he's still moving. Still pursuing. Still growing. Still becoming.
Now, Paul's words aren't specifically a lesson about recovering from painful relationships. He's speaking about pursuing Christ.
But I think there's an important discipleship principle we can take from his example.
Our Christian walk is not built on having already arrived.
It is built on continuing to follow Jesus even when we stumble, even when we don't understand. Even when we're still sorting through the things we've believed for years.
You know, sometimes we get so frustrated with ourselves because we think we should be further along. We should have more faith. We should be more patient. We should have handled that conversation better. We should have recognized the warning signs sooner.
Should have. Could have. Would have. Good grief! LOL!!
If there were an Olympic event for replaying conversations, some of us would have enough gold medals to open a Tiffany’s jewelry store!
But here's the problem. We cannot change yesterday by continually rehearsing it. We can learn from it. We can acknowledge where we were wrong. We can make amends where appropriate. We can recognize what needs to change. But we cannot live yesterday again. And Jesus is inviting us to follow Him today.
Not the imaginary version of ourselves who never made a mistake. Not the version who always had the perfect response.
Us. Right here. Right now. Still learning. Still growing. Still discovering what it means to walk with Him. And I find that enormously encouraging.
Because everything we are not has already been covered by the blood of Jesus, we don't have to pretend we've arrived in order to continue following Him.
PART FOUR — ENDURANCE IS NOT THE SAME AS ENDLESSLY ENDURING HARM
I want to bring us back to a Scripture that has become very precious to me.
Hebrews 10:36 (AMP) For you have need of patient endurance [to bear up under difficult circumstances without compromising], so that when you have carried out the will of God, you may receive and enjoy to the full what is promised.
The Amplified Bible speaks about our need for patient endurance so that, after doing the will of God, we may receive what He has promised.
Endurance. That word has accompanied me through some extraordinarily difficult seasons.
But I want to clarify something. Biblical endurance does not mean remaining indefinitely in harmful circumstances because we think suffering itself earns God's approval. It doesn't mean ignoring danger. It doesn't mean refusing help. And it certainly doesn't mean that God is the author of terrible things that happen to us.
Endurance is about continuing in faithfulness to God.
Sometimes that looks like staying the course. Sometimes it looks like seeking help. Sometimes it looks like establishing a boundary. Sometimes it means choosing to forgive someone who may never apologize.
And sometimes it simply means getting up tomorrow and choosing to trust the goodness of God again.
Not because we have all the answers. But because His character has not changed.
Remember our anchor from Week Two? God has not changed.
Our understanding may change. Our circumstances may change. Our relationships may change.
But we can continue growing in our understanding of the One who has promised never to leave us or forsake us.
And that brings me to something I want us to consider as we prepare to close this series.
Perhaps the question isn't simply, "How do I get out of this night season?"
Perhaps a better question is: "Lord, how do I continue walking with You, right here, without allowing this season to define my entire life?"
And that question reminds me of a season in my own life when I was desperately seeking God for an answer.
I needed to know what to do—or at least, I felt like I needed to know.
And I was doing everything I knew to do. I was seeking God. I was praying. I was looking for an answer. But nothing seemed to be happening.
Finally, in desperation, I cried out to God:
“WHAT DO I NEED?”
And the Lord led me to Hebrews 10:36:
“For you have need of steadfast patient endurance…”
Well.
That wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for! (Laugh.) I wanted direction. I wanted resolution. I wanted God to tell me what to do. And His answer was essentially: You need endurance. Steadfast. Patient. Endurance.
And looking back, I can see how important that was.
Because sometimes we become so focused on getting an answer from God that we miss what He is developing in us while we wait.
Sometimes what we need isn't another piece of information.
Sometimes we need the grace to remain steady while we don't have the information.
To keep trusting. To keep following.
To keep doing what we know to do without compromising simply because we don't yet know what comes next.
Maybe the question isn't always, “God, how do I get out of this?” Maybe sometimes it's simply:
“God, what do I need to faithfully walk through this?” And sometimes His answer may be the same one He gave me: Patient endurance.
THREE BUILDING BLOCKS
Let's take what we've been talking about and put some practical building blocks underneath it.
Because I don't want us to simply have a nice conversation and then go right back to living exactly the way we did before, I want us to take something home!
1 - Identify the belief you've been carrying.
Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Ask yourself: Has something painful convinced me of something about myself, others, or God that I need to examine in the light of Scripture?
Don't condemn yourself for having believed it. Bring it into the light and allow God's truth to renew your thinking.
2 - Choose forgiveness without abandoning wisdom.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (AMP Condensed down) - Drop the bad: Stop holding onto anger, yelling, cruel words, and bad wishes against people. Choose the good: Be kind, caring, and helpful to everyone. AND! Forgive freely: Forgive others easily because God already forgave you.
Romans 12:18(NLT): Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
Is there someone whose choices are still influencing the way you live? Ask God to help you release bitterness while also giving you wisdom about healthy boundaries.
Forgiveness and trust are not necessarily interchangeable.
3 - Take the next faithful step.
Philippians 3:12–14 ( takeaway): forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
You don't need to have your entire future figured out today. Ask yourself: What is one faithful step I can take with Jesus right now?
Make the phone call. Seek wise counsel. Establish the boundary. Return to prayer. Receive the grace you need for today. One step at a time.
CLOSING — Our Night Seasons Don’t Get The Final Word
As we come to the end of our conversation today, I want to leave you with this thought. Your night season may have changed things. It may have changed your plans. It may have changed relationships. It may have exposed beliefs you didn't even realize you were carrying.
But it does not have to determine who you become.
You can acknowledge what happened without building your identity around it. You can forgive without pretending. You can move forward without having every question answered. And you can continue following Jesus while you're still learning what it means to trust Him.
Mostly - It Is NEVER Too Late!
Hebrews 12:1–2 encourages us to lay aside the things that hinder us and run with endurance, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus. And that's where I want to leave us today.
Not staring endlessly at the things behind us. Not pretending the road ahead will always be easy. But keeping our eyes on Jesus. Because our hope is not that we'll never experience another night.
Our hope is in the One who remains faithful through every season. And my friend, He isn't finished with you! Not even close. CLOSING PRAYER
Father, thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You that You do not abandon us when life becomes difficult or when our understanding falls short. Help us recognize the beliefs we've carried that do not agree with Your truth. Give us the courage to forgive, the wisdom to establish healthy boundaries, and the grace to continue walking forward. Teach us to recognize the difference between enduring faithfully and remaining in situations where we need help or protection. And when we become discouraged with our progress, remind us that our relationship with You is not built on our perfection. It is built on Jesus. Thank You for Your patience, Your goodness, and Your unfailing love.
In Jesus' name, amen.
FINAL SIGN-OFF
Well, my friends, that's our conversation for today! Next time, we're going to bring this entire journey together. Not just to look back at everything we've learned, but to consider what it means to carry these truths into the days ahead. Because discipleship doesn't end when the study ends.
And neither does God's faithfulness.
Until next time, remember:
Faith grows deepest in the places we would not have chosen. And
Everything we are not has been covered by the blood of Jesus. Grace and peace, everybody!
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And on our Facebook page, you will find Daily Delights with Diana - short, easy-to-read daily encouragements to get your day started with our LORD.
You can find a link for Valley’s Sunday service, the notes from today’s podcast, and two teachings from Valley Family Church. One from our Senior Pastor Eric Jones: What Got Us Here Is Going To Get Us There. And a teaching for Pastor Annie Spangler from our Valley Girls Social Event: Still Standing: She Lands On Her Feet
You can find all of it on our website -heartfeltconversations.com
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13 (NLT) ❤️
God bless & I’ll see ya next time on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
Pastor’s message:
What Got Us Here is Going to Get Us There | Pastor Eric Jones
Valley Family Church YouTube Channel for Sunday Service:
https://www.youtube.com/@ValleyFamilyChurch/streams
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Diana’s Playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkeS6qzdekMr55A_b1cG_Yv2fy_BvQ27D
Foundational Encouraging Verses:
Isaiah 42:16: God’s Word Translation: I will lead the blind on unfamiliar roads. I will lead them on unfamiliar paths. I will turn darkness into light in front of them. I will make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do for them, and I will never abandon them.
Isaiah 54:10: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Psalm 119:105: Your word is a light unto our path and a light unto our feet.
Isaiah 54:17: But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Isaiah 52:12: (EASY) But you will not have to hurry and run away. No, the Lord, Israel's God, will keep you safe. He will lead you at the front, and He will be your guard at the back.
Isaiah 46:10: “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’”
Matthew 7:11: So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
1 Peter 2:23 tells us: When He was insulted, He did not answer back with an insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but placed His hopes in God, the righteous Judge.
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that… they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
The New Living Translation reads it this way: Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life."
Luke 6:37: “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Matthew 6:14: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Romans 8:31 in the AMP Bible tells us: What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us?
Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
Psalm 32:8: The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Proverbs 15:3: The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Additional Resources:
Steven Furtick: Triggered Taking Back Your Mind in the Age of Anxiety
Beth Jones: Getting a Grip on the Basics is a great resource to help you get the basics of how vital you are to God and how good He desires to be to you
https://www.thebasicsuniversity.com
Joyce Meyer: The Mind is a Battlefield - https://joycemeyer.org
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born-again child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand-new Christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, and we will forward your information to you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you.