When God’s People Disappoint Us
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana
Have you ever been disappointed by someone you thought should have represented Jesus better?
I have.
For years, disappointment with my mom, the church, and eventually God became tangled together in my heart. It took time—and a whole lot of Jesus—for me to understand something that changed me:
People can fail us without God having failed us.
In this week's Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, we're talking honestly about disappointment with God's people, forgiveness, bitterness, and what happens when grace allows us to see the person beyond the failure.
One of the greatest lessons I've learned is this:
The facts didn't change. My perspective did.
Grace doesn't require us to pretend something didn't hurt or call wrong things right.
Grace can change the lens without changing the facts.
And sometimes healing isn't found in changing our story. It's found in allowing Jesus to change the way we carry it.
Join me for When God's People Disappoint Us.
❤️ Faith grows deepest in the places we would not have chosen.
Diana’s Notes
When God’s People Disappoint Us
The Night Is Normal Part 13
Hello everybody!!! And welcome to Heartfelt Conversations with Diana. We have been walking together for quite a while through The Night Is Normal. And apparently—we like it here. LOL! I'm kidding. Sort of.
But we really have covered a lot of ground.
We've talked about being disillusioned with God. We've talked about being disillusioned with ourselves.
And now we've arrived at one that I think almost every one of us will encounter at some point:
What happens when we become disillusioned with God's people? On today’s episode in our Night Is Normal Series: When God’s People Disappoint Us.
As we learn this truth: The failure of God's people does not mean the failure of God.
Because let's just say it. Christians can disappoint us. Churches can disappoint us. Pastors can disappoint us. Friends can disappoint us.
Parents can disappoint us. And brace yourself...
We can disappoint people too.
I know.
I was doing just fine until I got to that last one. LOL!
But in this week's chapters of The Night Is Normal, Alicia Britt Chole asks a question that stopped me:
Have you ever been disillusioned with Jesus followers?
My answer? Absolutely.
In fact, one of the things that tripped me up the most—and had one of the greatest negative impacts on my life—was becoming disillusioned with someone I loved deeply.
My mom.
And what made it particularly painful was that my disappointment with my mom eventually became tangled with my disappointment with the church and ultimately… with God.
I couldn't separate them.
And it took me many years to understand something I wish I had understood much sooner:
People can fail us without God having failed us. (REPEAT)
Those are not the same thing.
So today, I want to have a Heartfelt Conversation about what happens when people we believed should have represented Jesus better...
don't.
What do we do with the hurt?
What do we do with the disappointment?
And how do we keep someone's imperfect representation of Jesus from becoming our definition of Jesus?
Let's talk about it.
WHEN EVERYTHING I BELIEVED CAME CRASHING DOWN
For me, this didn't begin with one isolated event.
There were layers.
As a young woman, I needed my mom to stand with me during one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
I believed she would. I believed her faith would compel her to. And when she didn't respond the way I believed she should, I felt abandoned. And that abandonment hurt. Deeply.
Then my 2-year-old daughter Shannon died.
And suddenly it felt as though everything I thought I knew about the three strongest influences in my life had come crashing down:
My mom.My church.And the Lord.
People I trusted had disappointed me. The church had not responded in ways I understood. And because I didn't understand what God was doing either, eventually I bundled all three together.
If they had failed me, maybe God had too. That belief affected my life for years. And if you've been with me throughout this series, you already know some of that story.
I spent many seasons in what I can now call a self-prescribed life of misery.
I was hurt. I was angry. I blamed. I withdrew.
And I carried an enormous amount of bitterness toward my mother.
But time—and life—and especially Jesus began teaching me something I had never really considered.
My mother wasn't only… my mother. She was a person.
MY MOM WAS A PERSON BEFORE SHE WAS MY MOM
I know that sounds ridiculously obvious. Of course our mothers are people!
But when you're a child—even an adult child—you don't necessarily see your parents that way.
They're Mom. They're Dad.
You know them primarily through the role they play in your story.
But my mom had a story before I ever entered it. She had been a little girl.
She had experienced things I didn't know about. She carried shame I didn't understand. She had fears. She had wounds. She had weaknesses. She had a history.
And for much of my life, I never even thought to ask what might have shaped the woman I was judging.
After my dad died, I began dealing seriously with the bitterness and blame I had carried toward her.
And I made a decision to forgive my mom. Not because everything had suddenly become okay. Not because the things that hurt no longer mattered. And not because forgiveness magically changed the past.
I chose to forgive because I no longer wanted the past controlling the future.
And somewhere in that process, I began learning something about grace.
Grace doesn't require us to pretend people never failed.
Grace allows us to see the person beyond the failure.
And once I began allowing my mom to be human, I began seeing things I hadn't been able to see before.
I began seeing what an amazing woman she really was. I began seeing her strength. Her sacrifices. Her love. Her humor. Her humanity.
And over time, I developed tremendous love and respect for my mom.
Were there faults? Absolutely. She had them. Don't we all? LOL!!
RIGHT?? And here's the uncomfortable part:
Someone somewhere could probably produce a pretty good list of mine. LOL!
How about you? Welcome to humanity!
WHEN PEOPLE FAIL, GOD HASN'T
One of the most important things God has taught me through all of this is:
My mother's failure was not God's failure.
The church's failure was not God's failure.
Another Christian's poor decision does not change God's character.
People are inconsistent. God isn't.
People misunderstand. God doesn't.
People sometimes respond out of fear, insecurity, pride, wounds, or limited understanding.
God does not.
Hebrews 13:5 tells us:
“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”— Hebrews 13:5, NLT.
That is God's promise. And I think this is where many of us can become stuck. We expected someone who represented God to behave like God.
And when they didn't… we blamed God.
Now hear my heart. Some people have experienced very real hurt inside churches. Some have experienced betrayal. Manipulation. Rejection. Abuse. Spiritual misuse of authority.
Those things should never be minimized by saying, "Well, Christians aren't perfect." Wrong is still wrong. Forgiveness does not rename wrong as right.
But neither do we want another person's failure to determine the rest of our relationship with Jesus.
Eventually, we have a choice.
Will I follow the path of unforgiveness—or will I follow the path toward Jesus?
Because Jesus is still Jesus even when His followers don't look much like Him.
“THE CHURCH IS FULL OF HYPOCRITES”
We've probably all heard someone say:
"I don't go to church because Christians are hypocrites."
And you know what? Sometimes Christians are hypocritical.
Sometimes we're inconsistent.
Sometimes our Sunday behavior and our Tuesday behavior could stand to meet each other. LOL!
But here's something I've had to learn: I am responsible for my response to Jesus.
Someone else's choices cannot become the permanent explanation for mine.
Maybe you've been hurt by a church. Maybe somebody disappointed you terribly.
Maybe you need time to heal. Maybe there are boundaries that need to remain in place.
And perhaps you need to find a healthy, Bible-based church where Jesus is honored, Scripture is taught faithfully, and people are actually learning how to love one another.
But don't give another person so much authority over your life that their failure gets to decide how close you will walk with Jesus.
They don't get that vote. That belongs between you and Him.
FORGIVENESS DOESN'T CHANGE HISTORY
Romans 12:19 says:
“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.”— Romans 12:19, NLT
Forgiveness means I release my demand to get even and trust God with what I cannot make right.
And that's hard. Because sometimes we don't necessarily want revenge in the dramatic sense.
We're not plotting anything. We're not hiding behind a bush. LOL!
But we replay the conversation. We rehearse what they did. We build imaginary courtrooms where we present our evidence, again and again...
and again. And strangely enough, in our imaginary courtroom, we always win! LOL!
The problem is that while we're holding court, we're still holding the offense.
Forgiveness releases it. It doesn't say: "It didn't hurt." It says:
"This hurt me, but I refuse to let this hurt own me."
It doesn't say: "What you did was okay." It says:
"I am trusting God with what you did." - It doesn't necessarily restore access.
Forgiveness and reconciliation aren't always the same thing.
Trust may need rebuilding. Boundaries may be necessary. Wisdom still matters.
But forgiveness releases our demand to personally settle the score.
And in doing so, we begin freeing our own hearts.
BUILDING BLOCK #1
SEPARATE PEOPLE'S CHARACTER FROM GOD'S CHARACTER
Psalm 145:8–9 (NLT) The LORD is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. The LORD is good to everyone.
When someone disappoints you, ask yourself: Am I assigning their behavior to God?
Someone abandoned you. God didn't. Someone lied to you. God doesn't.
Someone misrepresented Him. God hasn't changed.
This is something we've returned to throughout The Night Is Normal series:
God has not changed. Our circumstances change. Our understanding changes. People change. Feelings change. But God's character remains steady.
So when people's behavior makes God difficult to see, go back to Jesus.
Look at Him again. Let Jesus tell you what God is like.
BUILDING BLOCK #2
ALLOW PEOPLE TO BE HUMAN
Colossians 3:13 (NLT) Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.
I love that phrase: Make allowance. That doesn't mean tolerating abuse. It doesn't mean ignoring destructive behavior.
It means remember: You are dealing with another human being.
A human being with a history. A human being with weaknesses.
A human being who doesn't know everything. A human being who may have wounds you know nothing about.
That changed the way I saw my mother. I had spent years looking at her primarily through the lens of what I believed she had failed to give me.
But when I began seeing her as a whole person, my view changed.
The facts didn't change. My perspective did.
And sometimes grace begins right there, not by changing history.
But by allowing us to see more of it.
BUILDING BLOCK #3
CHOOSE THE UPWARD PULL OF LOVE
1 Peter 4:8 (NLT) Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.
There is a downward pull to offense. It pulls us toward bitterness. Retaliation. Judgment. Suspicion. Rehearsing the wrong. Keeping score.
But Jesus calls us in another direction. Upward. Toward forgiveness. Humility. Compassion. Grace. Peace.
So I've been thinking about this phrase: Commit to the upward pull of love. Learn to think higher.
Because Kingdom thoughts lead to Kingdom ways...
And Kingdom ways lead to Kingdom-living days - right here on earth.
That doesn't mean becoming a doormat. It means becoming increasingly like Jesus. And Jesus knows how to love without surrendering truth.
He knows how to forgive without calling evil good. He knows when to speak. He knows when to walk away. He knows when to extend mercy.
And He knows the whole story when we only know part of it.
So we follow Him.
WHEN IT BECOMES WELL WITH OUR SOUL
In this week's reading, Alicia tells the familiar story behind the hymn “It Is Well with My Soul.”
Horatio Spafford experienced devastating losses. And out of profound grief came words that generations of hurting people have sung in the hymn:
It is well with my soul.
Not everything is well around me. Not… Everything happened the way I wanted. Not… I understand everything God allowed me to walk through.
But somehow, beneath circumstances that were anything but well -
his soul could rest in God.
And after everything I've walked through, I'm beginning to understand that differently.
Trusting God is teaching me not to fret over things I cannot control.
People I cannot control. Circumstances I cannot control.
Now… sometimes I still grit my teeth through that lesson. LOL!
Because my opinion occasionally feels it has been called into ministry.
It believes people desperately need to hear from it. Frequently. LOL!
But I'm learning. I'm learning to recognize that urge more quickly.
I'm learning to release things sooner. And there is beginning to be a payoff.
You know what it's called? Peace.
It doesn't mean everything around me is finally behaving.
It means everything around me no longer gets to determine everything happening within me.
And friends, that is freedom!
(HEART CHECK)
So before we finish today, I want you to sit with a few questions.
Is there someone whose failure you've connected to God?
Has disappointment with Christians affected your willingness to trust Jesus?
Are you still holding someone responsible for becoming the person you needed them to be?
Is there an offense you've been rehearsing that Jesus is asking you to release?
And maybe the hardest question:
Can you allow the person who hurt you to be human without calling what they did okay?
You don't have to manufacture feelings. You don't have to rush a healing process. Just bring the truth to Jesus.
Because when we draw closer to God in suffering instead of allowing bitterness toward someone else to pull us away...
there is a sweetness there.
A satisfaction in the deepest part of the soul. A place of comfort. A place of rest. A place where we slowly begin to discover:
It really can become well with my soul.
(CLOSING)
In our next episode, we're going to take this one step further.
Because once we've accepted that people are human, we have to figure out how to actually live with them. LOL!
And apparently God has decided to put a whole bunch of us together!
Different personalities. Different backgrounds. Different strengths. Different weaknesses. Different ways of hearing. Different ways of seeing.
Sometimes two people can look at the exact same situation, and one sees a six, while the other sees a nine.
And both are convinced:
“I am obviously the only sane person in this conversation.” LOL!
So next time we're going to talk about perspective, listening generously, and learning to hear people's hearts instead of simply preparing our next argument.
But for today, remember:
The failure of God's people does not mean the failure of God.
People will disappoint us. We will disappoint people. But Jesus remains faithful. And when we release what we cannot control...
Forgive what we cannot change… and commit ourselves to the upward pull of love… something beautiful begins happening inside us.
Peace.
Maybe not all at once. Maybe sometimes through gritted teeth.
But little by little… we discover: It is well with my soul.
Let's pray.
CLOSING PRAYER:
Father, thank You that Your character is not determined by the behavior of people. You are faithful even when people fail us. You remain steady when everything around us feels uncertain.
Lord, some of us are carrying disappointments that have been with us for a very long time. There are wounds we didn't choose, questions we still cannot answer, and people we cannot change. Help us separate what people have done from who You are. Where bitterness has taken root, help us release it. Where forgiveness feels impossible, give us grace for the next step. Where boundaries are needed, give us wisdom. Where reconciliation is possible, give us humility.
And where something simply cannot be made right on this side of eternity, teach us to place it safely into Your hands. Help us see people as You see them—not merely through their failures, but as human beings with stories, wounds, weaknesses, and a need for grace just like ours.
Teach us to commit ourselves to the upward pull of love. And as we release the things and people we cannot control, let Your peace settle deeply into our souls. Even when everything around us isn't well… but because You are with us...
we can say, It is well with my soul. We give all praise and glory and honor to You as we come to You in the Mighty, Mighty Name of Jesus! The Name Above Every Other Name! Amen!
Thanks for joining me today for another Heartfelt Conversation.
Remember: Faith grows deepest in the places we would not have chosen.
And everything we are not… has been covered by the Blood of the Lamb, Jesus.
Grace and peace, everybody.
I'll see you next time.
Like us & follow us on our Heartfelt Conversations with Diana Facebook page! Help us to get the Gospel of the Good News out to more people!
And on our Facebook page, you will find Daily Delights with Diana - short, easy-to-read daily encouragements to get your day started with our LORD.
You can join us online for Sunday service at Valley Family Church! If you are nearby, please join us for the 9 AM or the 11:15 services.
You can find the link for Valley’s Sunday service, the notes from today’s podcast, and a phenomenal teaching based on a recent book Co-Founding Pastor Beth Jones wrote with her brother-in-law, Before You Croak! Crazy title, I know, but there IS a story behind it! But she brought a message to us at Valley based upon this book called “Making Peace with God Before Time Runs Out “ I believe you are really gonna wanna hear her teaching on this subject,ct so make sure to check out her video!
You can find all of it on our website -heartfeltconversations.com
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13 (NLT)
God bless & I’ll see ya next time on Heartfelt Conversations with Diana!
Pastor Beth’s message:
Making Peace with God Before Time Runs Out | Pastor Beth Jones
Valley Family Church YouTube Channel for Sunday Service:
https://www.youtube.com/@ValleyFamilyChurch/streams
Heartfelt Conversations with Diana Facebook link:
https://www.facebook.com/HeartfeltConversations
Diana’s Playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkeS6qzdekMr55A_b1cG_Yv2fy_BvQ27D
Foundational Encouraging Verses:
Isaiah 42:16: God’s Word Translation: I will lead the blind on unfamiliar roads. I will lead them on unfamiliar paths. I will turn darkness into light in front of them. I will make rough places smooth. These are the things I will do for them, and I will never abandon them.
Isaiah 54:10: Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Psalm 119:105: Your word is a light unto our path and a light unto our feet.
Isaiah 54:17: But in that coming day, no weapon turned against you will succeed. You will silence every voice raised up to accuse you. These benefits are enjoyed by the servants of the LORD; their vindication will come from me. I, the LORD, have spoken!
Isaiah 52:12: (EASY) But you will not have to hurry and run away. No, the Lord, Israel's God, will keep you safe. He will lead you at the front, and He will be your guard at the back.
Isaiah 46:10: “I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’”
Matthew 7:11: So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
1 Peter 2:23 tells us: When He was insulted, He did not answer back with an insult; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but placed His hopes in God, the righteous Judge.
Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that… they may see your good deeds and glorify God.”
The New Living Translation reads it this way: Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20: "I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Now choose life."
Luke 6:37: “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”
Matthew 6:14: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.
Romans 8:31 in the AMP Bible tells us: What then shall we say to all these things? If God is for us, who can be [successful] against us?
Psalm 65:11: You crown the year with a bountiful harvest; even the hard pathways overflow with abundance.
Psalm 32:8: The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Proverbs 15:3: The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
Additional Resources:
Steven Furtick: Triggered Taking Back Your Mind in the Age of Anxiety
Beth Jones: Getting a Grip on the Basics is a great resource to help you get the basics of how vital you are to God and how good He desires to be to you
https://www.thebasicsuniversity.com
Joyce Meyer: The Mind is a Battlefield - https://joycemeyer.org
Prayer of Salvation
Jesus has given salvation, healing, and countless benefits to all who call upon His name. These benefits can be yours if you receive Him into your heart by saying this prayer:
Heavenly Father, I come to You admitting that I am a sinner. Right now, I choose to turn away from sin, and I ask You to cleanse me of all unrighteousness. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead so that I may be justified and made righteous through faith in Him. I call upon the name of Jesus Christ to be the Savior and Lord of my life. Jesus, I choose to follow You, and I ask that You fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit. I declare right now that I am a born-again child of God. I am free from sin and full of the righteousness of God. I am saved in Jesus’ name. Amen.
This prayer and the comment above were taken out of the book:
Secrets to Powerful Prayer - Discovering the Languages of the Heart
By Lynne Hammond and Patsy Cameneti
If you have just received Jesus as your Savior, please write Lynne Hammond Ministries at:
PO Box 29469
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55429-2946
Or, email one of the ministries listed on the Additional Resources Tab and let them know that you are a brand-new Christian and need some direction on the next steps for your new life in Christ.
Or email us here at Heartfelt Conversations with Diana, and we will forward your information to you.
Congratulations if you are a brand new Christian or if you have Returned Home! Welcome!!! Get in God’s Word and get it into you.